


Yellow Rose

by marvel_and_mischief



Series: Floriography Series [5]
Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cigarettes, Gen, Smoking, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29718048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvel_and_mischief/pseuds/marvel_and_mischief
Summary: Yellow Rose:falling out of love
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Series: Floriography Series [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153310
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Yellow Rose

You remember a time when you loved Javier Pena with all your heart. When he infiltrated your thoughts as you went about your day. When you couldn’t sleep without his body warm against your back. 

You made each other better people. Sometimes in big ways, but mostly in the small things you did. You would make him food in the mornings and place it in containers for him to take to work. 

He never ate properly, in your opinion street food and cigarettes were not a healthy diet for a DEA Agent so you thrust a tupperware in his hands with a kiss on his cheek as he left through the door.

On the other hand, Javier never believed you took care of yourself either. So on those days when you couldn’t stand on your feet for one more minute, he’d run you a warm bath with smelling salts and candles and usher you in with a bottle of your favorite wine. He was thoughtful like that.

For a long time those were the things you looked forward to. The acts that showed he loved you and you loved him. The moments that made the hard days worthwhile, the things you remembered when you had an argument because he wasn’t able to get home before you went to bed, or you weren’t understanding enough of what his job entailed. 

What had taken you so long to fully comprehend was it was neither of your faults, but at the same time it was both your faults. 

When Javier loved, he loved _hard_. He loved in bursts of bright light, overpowering your senses in every way. You felt it where he kissed your skin, urgent and passionate, as though he was committing you to memory. You felt it in your bones when he called you _honey, darling, love_ , whispered in the middle of the night to reassure himself you were still there. 

You felt it in your heart when he held you to his chest, rocking you back and forth when the world had become just a bit too much to handle.

When _you_ loved, it was always to fill in the parts of Javier that he left as gaping wounds. You showed him softness when all he saw was violence and cruelty. You shared a drink with him and leant him a listening ear when he couldn’t bottle it up anymore. You allowed him to forget the harsh realities of life so that he could face it all again the next day, heart a little lighter and mind better prepared. 

Perhaps that’s where you both went wrong. You gave too much of yourselves to the other. You never took the time to step back and see that it was going to burst into flames one day. Too much heat. He would lose himself in you every night and you would pick up his pieces everyday. 

Except nothing burst. There was no fire, no fury, no screaming or breaking things. It was so much worse than that.

There was nothing. 

There was tiredness, seeing less of each other, a lack of touch. He didn’t recognise when you needed those baths and you stopped getting up extra early to make his lunch for the day. 

You can’t remember when it started. But you got used to going to bed without him and Javier made less of an effort to make it home to kiss you goodnight. 

Work became more important than you. That’s how you saw it. You knew being a DEA Agent would be demanding, that there would have to be compromises in your relationship sometimes, but once a week became twice and then it was everyday he was prioritising Pablo Escobar over you. 

Javier would say that you knew what you were getting into when you went all in with him. And he’s right. But you just couldn’t do it anymore.

-

Putting his key into the front door, Javier paused and heaved a deep sigh. He never liked bringing home his demons, especially with how worryingly stale his relationship was becoming. He needed to find time to talk to you about it but he was so close to catching Escobar, he could almost feel the bastard in his fingertips, and that _had_ to be his priority right now. You’d understand. 

He pushed the door open and was met with an unusually dark apartment. You were usually home by now, waiting to welcome him home, sometimes with dinner cooking, sometimes with nothing but a kiss and a promise of more. He never minded which it was. 

An uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach. Not the kind that usually accompanied sickening thoughts of your safety being compromised by men trying to send Javier a message, but the feeling that had been floating around for a few months now. Between the two of you, you were always going to snap first. Javier would never admit that he needed you more than you needed him, but if anyone was going to up and leave it would be you.

He called your name out into the apartment, the sound echoing off the walls and to his relief he heard you clear your throat in the living room. Javier let out a sigh, the tension in his gut uncoiling until he saw you and his stomach tightened again. 

You were perched on the arm of the couch surrounded by two zipped up suitcases, looking mournfully at the ground as the street lights outside illuminated your despondent features. 

Javier shrunk against the doorway in defeat. It had all been leading up to this, he knew it, you knew it, but there had been an air of denial that kept him from doing anything about it. 

He was pushing his luck not making you the most important person in his life, and now he was reaping the consequences. 

You raised your head in the silence, trying to gauge Javier’s reaction, but all you saw was passiveness. He wasn’t going to fight for you, which is what you expected but it still stung deep in your soul. 

And as you looked at him you realised just how much everything had changed. You no longer loved him you realised. You _cared_ , but no more than you cared for a friend or a relative. You _loved_ him but it wasn't that all consuming love you had at the start of your relationship, it had withered to the kind of love you held for your favorite television show or your comfiest cardigan. 

“Do you have somewhere to go?” Javier asked, already knowing the answer. You had spoken about visiting your parents for a while, maybe that should have been his first red flag that things were going sour because it was never an open invitation, at least he didn’t think so. Maybe he should have offered to go with you but that was never going to happen with his job. 

“Yeah,” you nodded, offering nothing else that would suggest you wanted Javier to contact you in the future, “my flight’s in a couple of hours, I didn’t want to just up and leave without saying goodbye.”

Javier heard the slight wobble in your voice but otherwise you were doing well at keeping it together. Javier, on the other hand, was failing to express any emotion at all. He told himself it was for you, you needed to get away from him and showing how much this was crushing him wouldn’t be fair when you’d already made up your mind to leave. So he bit the inside of his cheek and reigned in the urge to have a smoke, it would look too casual, too much like he didn’t care when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Do you want a lift?” _Fuck_ , Javier thought, knowing as soon as he saw your eyes water that what he’d said sounded callous. Like he was hurrying you out the door but it wasn’t what he meant, he always asked if you wanted lifts anywhere, to make sure you got somewhere safe, that you wouldn’t be walking anywhere alone. 

_Fuck it_ , Javier sighed and pulled his cigarettes from his pocket, taking one out and lighting it. 

There wasn’t anything more to be said you figured, wishing you had taken up smoking just for something to distract yourself with.

The sound of a car honking outside signalled the arrival of your cab. You stood from the couch and gathered up your bags just as Javier pushed himself off the doorway to move out of your way.  
You paused before passing him, wondering if a kiss on the cheek would be too much, or a hug be too awkward, and instead settled on a watery smile.

“I loved you,” you whispered, swallowing down the lump in your throat.

Javier nodded and went in for a lingering kiss on your forehead, pausing there to breathe you in one last time.

And then you were gone. Javier couldn’t bring himself to watch you leave but he heard the suitcase clomping down the apartment steps, the shutting of the car doors and the tyres screeching as you walked out of his life forever.

And for the rest of the night he wondered how he could have done things differently, how he could have loved you more and resigned himself to knowing that he _couldn’t_ have done anything differently and he _couldn’t_ have loved you more. Because he’d be going back to work in the morning, just as he did everyday, and that’s the way it had to be.


End file.
